You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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