Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
