you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
