My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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