Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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