Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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