I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's never too late to be topless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
