I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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