Fuck appropriateness.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
