he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
