It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
