Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
