Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
