I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
