Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
