when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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