3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
only you would photoshop your dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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