I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
