I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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