I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
