Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
