it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
