sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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