Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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