I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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