I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
