I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
ugly people sure do ruin things
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.