Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
