Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night