i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
