The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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