New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
