How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
