found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
