just tell him i said nine months
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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