You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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