I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Randomize
