nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
