She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
