Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
