Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
