Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
