You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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