i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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