remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
