If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
