I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
