We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
