I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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