K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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