his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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