Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
