We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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