Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
