I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
