in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You made out with two different species that night
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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