For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
