took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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