We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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