I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
