The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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