So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
