Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hippo gnu deer
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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