The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
