She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
