Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
