i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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