My Higher Power is John Stamos
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
