sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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