That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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