At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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